girl...

i'm eating doughball's i made the night before for 
breakfast at 10:35am (i lead a very bohemian life)...

been m.i.a. for a little because i've been a big kid again. it's my half term (?) right now and i'm almost at the end of second year. i think i know my life's purpose now. not that life really has one but instead of adopting what is presented to me me, i think i am rejecting what does not serve me, especially social media. i hate it. i hate waking up and having to fry my brain with image's just to wake up. i hate being contactable all hours of the day and i hate being on my phone before bed because it's the only moment of silence i get by myself in the day. there's not much i want to see on there that isn't obstructed by some cunt screaming 'PLEASE LOOK AT THIS LOOK AT ME LOOK'. i hate it. i don't care if you are on holiday, you live an unfulfilling life the rest of the time. bastard. (i'm not bitter i swear). but also i despise people who turn their snapmaps to public when they are on holiday then turn it off when they aren't there like nobody is looking that hard (i am) or cares enough to remember (i do) where you have been or that you have done that (i'm totally going to do it). anyway i have been chillin in my time off. on saturday i went for a really long walk to the next village and had chips in my favourite conservation area. it was nice to have time to think. the weather is good now so i can go out in cute and cunty little outfits (i dress like a little boy but with more swag). i do truly love

walking in the forest though, going out tonight with my bestie on the same walk because she loves it too. i'm glad my friends love the things i do. sometimes it makes me feel selfish because i think that we always do what i want to do but they also offer to do that and i enjoy it so its mutual but we also do things that they are interested in so it's actually chill. on sunday i hung out with my dad and we did some gardening and washed the car. i was up our palm trees on a ladder and a chair at points pulling out dead vines and fronds and things and we were talking about lolita and how everyone in my class clearly hadn't read it. then we washed the car and i felt like a big kid again... my dad uses a pressure washer to do it now so im about as much use as i was when i was four but i did scrub down and polish and hoover the car very nicely. when my dad was spraying the car i had to huddle from the mist and i sang scary by bjork to myself while the machine droned. i saw two white doves too. i have been trying to write more poetry but my bestie says im secretly depressed and like, my brain doesn't conciously know so i'm stuck in a slump for a little which is okay i guess... not much i can do about it. my bestie and i went on the same walk on monday and it was so lovely. with her everyday is like a mini holiday. i have to have a bath later for our night walk, don't know what i'm going to do after that though. gonna reheat my remaining doughballs for lunch me thinks....

some courage for love, not scared to be happy, india xox