i see the world and it shines for me

today it rains again... it's not very much like summer 
here but there is only a month left until i get to escape

i am watching paris is burning right now. i have forsaken my own diary... i should get back to it. paris is burning i such a beautiful microcosm of the queer world. they like to make us think that everything was primitive back then, with it's black and white and film photography. the documentary shows the antiquated ways of the old world (1990 lol) but also the trailblazing nature of the queer world. i love love love it all. it seems as if the beautiful people of paris is burning are so far ahead of us now. they are so human, no wonder there were attempts to dehumanise them and by this i mean that they offer a future that contrasts so wildly what is offered to us, ofcourse they would be shut down. why would we work if we had community? they wanted freedom, they wanted oppulence for themselves and had the ambition to get it. they were well read, cultured, creative, articulate... without them we are lost. i remember a fran lebowitz quote where she details how in the aids epidemic, many of these wonderful and worldly people were forsaken, therefore all of our visionaries had left us very quickly, meaning that the creatives we had had dissapeared and left really the bottom of the barrel to survive without competition but also that the intelligent audience had been combed out. we are left with not only the broken dreams and hearts of those cherished and gone, but with soulless art and a passive audience. i love new york and i hope ti go while the going is good, even though that seems to have been decades before i was even thought of. a friend of mine went to new york this april. i envy him. he didn't see what i would have. i would have gotten lost but spiritually found. it feels like everthing good has preceeded me.

house of hope, india xox