if i sit very still, i can hear everything at once

i trusted again too freely and now i'm waiting for a 
call an hour after we agreed to call eachother

today was okay. i taught my bestie to skate and she was great might i add!!! but we had miscommunicated and there were surprise adjustments to the plan which i don't really do well with. i felt like a big idiot for not clarifying. like, even though the day went well i'm still not fully happy about it, i feel like i should have done better. she's cool though and says it is what it is. she has adopted going with the flow which i should probably do but can't. this morning my ex asked to call again and because i feel bad and feel that i should give him what he didn't give me i say yes but i left his message an hour this morning and he fell asleep so couldnt call, then we agreed to call at 6pm. it's almost 8pm now and i haven't heard anything from him. i feel stupid for trusting him and i feel stupid for being sad about it. well not stupid but certainly naieve. i really hate trusting people in this sense because it feels like if i don't do things it won't get done. that doesn't really apply to my bestie, she frequently initiates hanging out and the like, but not many other people do. i can list who does, and its not him. well he technically does but doesn't follow up on it and i try to leave but i can't because it's never final. he always responds the next day and the conversation runs on too far for me to say goodbye. i don't want to leave but i have to. i can't and dont want to put up with it but its a cycle i cant escape. don't tell my friends, they all tell me to block him but its not up to them how i leave him, it just must be done.

a little sad, india xox