just finished my first essay

i'm rewarding myself with a small bowl of jubes (lychee 
flavoured coconut jelly cubes) and i am happy.

just finished my first essay. its a literature review for my dissertation on the importance of chinese myth and folklore in maxine hong kingstons early works and i kinda enjoyed it. the woman warrior is my favourite book so showcasing my research and talking about it's relevance was so fun. hate to be an academic nerd. there was also a reflective report on the skills i had learnt in this poetry prize we held. i didn't enter ( it'd be too easy of a win i tell myself...) but a classmate won it and i am happy for her. the poem was so good. i don't mind reflecting on myself, i say as a massive overthinker but i hate that corporate shit. that put up and take it shit. that suck your own dick and blast on the page as you finish cv shit. like why do i have to be so analytical of myself to something that comes naturally? i think this also relates to all stages of education especially alevel art and it's recording of processes. i tend to not think just do. i think in the uk we hinder children by annoying them at every point of their development, so much so that they are never left to just be. i find it so annoying. the process of everything should be something that comes with ease and without expectation. you just believe that you are good enough. thats what separates me from the rest of brits, they don't do that. yesterday evening i cut my hair. i think its really funny to watch me cut my hair, i even made

a video of it once of how i do it and my process. its informed by absolutly nothing just that i wanted to look like kate bush at 16. i love my technique because its intuitive, organic and you can't fuck it up because imy hair is curly. i have fucked it up in the past though... but you can't tell. i have been compared to a renaissance painting before and i stand by that. i find that more and more people have the tendancy to put me on a pedastal which makes me sound like a wanker but honestly? i didn't think i was all that great... but compared to some people i think i am... or atleast i think other people think that i am. i was such a weird kid and people constantly made me feel other to them, so incredibly distinct that i think when i "became hot" maybe at 18 (i hate that phrase because i was always an attractive person i think it was just a mindset thing and also a level of acceptance grew) that people started to see me differently. one of my girlies sent me a beautiful and eloquent message about how i was open minded and creative and it shocked me because i never thought of myself that way. also someone as hot as they are looking up to me ot being inspired by me made me feel so small but so happy. i look upto them too, and all my girlies. i think if you think you are the most attractive, most creative, most intelligent and brightest light in the room around your friends you dont actually like them. not truly. i love my friends so much that i feel like a eunuch around royalty. i'm watching my haircut video again and i am realising i should have put guisy dej as one of my haircut inspirations. as much as i like to stay pretty faceless on the internet, i do love putting little secrets here. also i made the music for the video... now now ladies, form an orderly queue, my dick won't suck itself B)

go off and cut a fringe, india xox